Share the love: 8 ways you can be kinder to yourself today

The most important relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself... so why not make it a kind and loving one?

I believe the most powerful way to live a happier life is to learn how to be kinder to yourself and love yourself more.  

As women, we often struggle with accepting ourselves and being confident and secure in who we are.  

Being kinder to yourself not only makes your relationship with yourself a better one, it also improves how you show up as a leader. 

Many of the issues that come up around perfectionism, negative self-talk and overwork can be reduced almost completely by just being kinder to yourself and fully accepting and embracing who you are. 

If you love yourself, you are operating from a secure place.  This means you don’t feel like you need to push yourself ridiculously hard to prove that you're good enough or believe that the quality of your work defines your value as a person.  

Being secure in yourself also reduces your need for external validation and makes you more open to receiving feedback in your role.  

So how can you be kinder to yourself?  

Here’s eight ways to get started:  

1: Release the internal pressure 

It’s important to recognise  that not all that pressure that you feel is external. Often we push ourselves to over-deliver just to prove we’re good enough.  
 

Start by asking yourself - “What unnecessary pressure am I putting on myself and how can I release some of?”.

2: Talk to yourself like you would a friend or loved one 

You wouldn't ever be as harsh to other people as you are to yourself in your own head. When you catch yourself being critical or putting yourself down, pause and ask yourself, would I say that to my best friend or child or partner? What would you say to them? Now say that to yourself instead. 

Another question that I love is, “If I was being kind to myself, what would I do now?”.

3: Let go of your mistakes 

You're human and you’re allowed to make mistakes. Next time you make a mistake, actively forgive yourself, decide to learn from it and forgive yourself.  

We can even be grateful for our mistakes and what we’ve learnt from them!  

4: Write a list of all the things you love about yourself  

It’s important to recognise and be proud of who you are and your good traits. Once you have your list, keep it handy to remind yourself of when you need a boost.  

If you're struggling to make a list of things that you love about yourself, that indicates that there's some resistance there. Start with the things you like about yourself instead.  

5: Accept that not everyone is going to like you and that's okay 

As a leader or manager, you become more visible to others and more people will have opinions on how you do things because they impact them more. Accept that not everybody is going to be your best friend and that’s ok, as long as you can have healthy working relationships. 

 You do not need everybody to like you to be a good person. Their opinions do not define you.  

6: Drop the Comparison 

We can get caught up comparing ourselves to other people and thinking we should be more like them. Catch yourself when you’re comparing and remind yourself of your achievements, what you’re proud of and why you love yourself.  

7: Put Yourself First 

As women, we often put ourselves behind everyone else in our lives. Putting yourself first might look like setting boundaries, saying no, creating time just for you or doing a self-care activity. 
Prioritise yourself in some way each day.  

8: Say “I love you”  

The most powerful practice I did to get better at loving myself was simply putting my hand on my heart and saying I love you. Try to do it on your own and say it out loud.  

This can be a daily practice or something you do when you’re struggling and really need it.  
 

After reading this list, what tip do you want to practice first? What's one way that you can love yourself more today? 

Listen to the full episode on the Influence & Impact podcast on Carla’s website, Apple, Spotify or Stitcher 

For more articles on the issues that impact women leaders at work follow Carla Miller on LinkedIn

Find out about the various ways Carla works with women leaders and organisations on her website www.carlamillertraining.com